Fools for April

Brace yourselves, a rant is coming

So, I have the privilege of being a really old fart, so old, that I got to watch the TMNT cartoon from 1987 and the movies, play the games and all that, never read the comics, though.

Anyway, I do understand that times change, and nothing lasts forever, so, in 2003, when they made a NEW cartoon of TMNT, I got psyched as all hell, started watching it, and I really loved it, I read that it was based more on the original comic book, which was cool (as I mentioned earlier, I had never read it), April didn't look as hot, as strange as that sounds, I guess the yellow jumpsuit really add some sexiness points, huh? But She was still boinkable

But then, the series started going out of their way, Shredder was an alien in a robot, Krang was never seen (I know there was a cameo, though), neither did Rocksteady and Bebop (I know there was a cameo of the latter too), the Technodrome was never seen, Krang was never seen, the turtles went to space, then to the future, Krang was never seen, the turtles then went to the internet, there was a Cyber Shredder, Krang was never seen, there was a Demon Shredder, and Krang was NEVER seen!

It kinda bummed me how all these turned out, it was... I dunno, it just didn't feel like the old days, granted, back in the day cartoons were campy as hell, but they were a lot simpler, and seriously, how can you NOT put one of the most memorable and squishy villains in a cartoon like this? Krang frickin' rules! He was tough as nails in the games always bitch slapping you about, him are The Shredder were the most vilest things in the universe, working together!

*sighs* anyway, moving on, last year, I learned about these new CG-animated Turtle series made by Nickelodeon, I decided to check it out... and when I laid my eyes on the "new" April design... well, I got really pissed, no, no, that's an understatement, I was piss-drunk MAD! Seriously, April's design reminded me of Jessie from Toy Story 2, with Dash's face from The Incredibles! WTF?? Ugh, and worst, she was supposed to be a teenager now, because the writers decided that a woman hanging with teenage boys would seem foul...

So, after beating up my head against the wall, I resigned, okay, I see what they're doing, they're really doing it kid-friendly, okay, okay, I don't even have cable anymore, so I'll probably won't watch it anyways, let's carry on with our lives.

So, after a few months, I come back to check on how the new series is doing, and found again with the urge to kick something hard, and repeatedly... why? Because Teen April is now a love interest to... Donatello??? SERIOUSLY WTFFF??? Oh man, I can NOT express how PISSED I am by this fact, I mean, the reason why they made April a teenager is because it was WRONG for an adult woman to hang with mutant teens, right? But now, suddenly it's okay for her to go into inter-species relationships?? They made April a scaly, a frickin' scaly (the reptile-fetish counterpart of furries), seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Ugh, let me explain how this is WRONG no matter in which liberal world you live in, well, first of all, they're TEENS, second, one is a mutated TURTLE living in the SEWERS, and the other is a human girl, DEAR GOD, why? Just why? Can you imagine how many diseases April would get from even kissing him? Mouth to mouth??

And okay, now let's compare it with the adult versions of April, sure, Apes used to kiss the turtles every now and then, but more motherly, there's a nice word, while Splinter was the FATHER figure of the turtles, April symbolized the MOTHER figure, that's why they saved her all the frickin' time, sure, they would hit on her platonically, but EVERYONE knew, that turtle-on-human action was wrong! The turtles knew it, April knew it, the directors knew it, and WE knew it, that's why April fell in love with Casey Jones and married him, is that logic too hard to understand?

Ugh anyway, rant's over... I guess, well, whatever the case, all of the Aprils in my pic are happy, all is well until Michael Bay's take on the raping of our childhood comes.

Aprils are property of... whoever, I've lost track who won the raffle this time.
Pic made by me.